


You Basket Case!

by princeful



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Coons, Don't put your dick in a owl, Hogwarts, M/M, Mention of Sexy Larry Time, Owls that deliver your shitey mail, Slight underage kiss, That's supposed to random!, Wands, Well almost, fluff?, spells and shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6143944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeful/pseuds/princeful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're a wizard, Harry."<br/>"I-I'm a what?!"<br/>"Harry, you're a wizard."<br/>--<br/>When Harry was eleven years old, a person named Louis told him that he was a wizard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Basket Case!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is based off of the YouTube video "You're A Wizard, Harry!" by ragingfilms. Louis is Hagrid (somewhat), and Harry is...Harry with a beanie. Watching Harry Potter right now...so, ideas came to mind. And yes, a few lines repeat them selves. I'm sorry for that.

Hello there! Here's the link to the video if you would like to watch it: [Click if you wish!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tKNhPpUR0Pg)

It's by ragingfilms. This Fanfiction takes direct lines from the video, so, there's the credit to the creator so I don't get sued for plagiarism! I won't get sued, right?

* * *

 

Harry was sitting outside on a warm summer night, staring at the clear moon before him. He couldn't sleep at all so he left his bed (which was starting to become more difficult to lay on) and came outside to sit on his porch. Harry has done this many times before. 

It all started when- well, let's not start a story. Harry sighed and was about to pick the scab on his knee when he heard a sigh from beside him. Harry looked to the right and saw nothing. Harry looked to the left and saw nothing. What's going on?

"You're a wizard, Harry." A voice said from somewhere around him. Harry sighed again and stood up. Seriously, what's-

"You're a wizard, Harry." There it was again! What the h-e-double hockey sticks was going on?! Harry frantically looked beside him, and down. WHERE IS THE VOICE COMING FROM?!

"I'm up here on a fucking flying motorcycle, you curly haired twat!" Harry finally looked up and fell down. Why was there a flying motorcycle in his backyard?! Harry had heard him the first two times, so he decided to respond. 

"I-I'm a what?!"

"Thank Merlin...Harry, you're a wizard." The man said on his flying motorcycle. 

Harry looked at him shocked. He's a wizard? How is that even possible?! "I'm a what?!" Harry repeated his question once again. The man on the flying motorcycle sighed and covered his face with his hands.

"A wizard, Harry."

Harry seriously wasn't following. "I'm a wizard?!"

"Yes Harry, you're a wizard."

"But I'm just Harry!"

"Well 'Just Harry', you're a wizard."

"But I'm JUST HARRY!"

"No! 'Just Harry' you," Louis pointed at Harry "are a wizard!"

"Listen here, 'Louis', I'm just Harry!" Harry jumped up onto his feet and pointed right back at Louis.

"NO! HARRY! You are a WIZARD!" How many times does Louis have to say this?

"How do you even know my name?!" 

"How do you know _my_  name?!"

"That doesn't matter!"

"Well, it doesn't matter how I know your name then! What matters, is that you need to accept the fact that you are a wizard."

"I'm not a wizard, Louis, I'm just Harry."

"Listen, Harry, you're a wizard!" 

"No, Louis, I'm just Harry."

"Harry, for Merlin's Sake, you're a wizard!"

"A WIZARD?!" Harry gasped and slapped his hands against the side of his face. "I'm just Harry!" 

"Noo, 'Just Harry', you're a wizard." Louis said calmly after breathing in a few times. He literally could not believe this curly haired fuck, stubborn child right now. 

"I'm not a wizard, Louis, I'm just Harry." Harry responded. He literally could not believe this man right now. Harry, a wizard? As if, not in a million years.

"Nooooo, 'Just Harry', you are a wizard."

"I'm not a wizard, Louis."

"HARRY! YOU-ARE-A-WIZARD! What do you not understand about this conversation?!"

"Listen here, Louis, you fat oaf," Louis gasped and then made a noise with his throat at the comment. How dare this curly haired fuck call **him**  fat. If anything, Louis should be calling Harry fat because of his chubby cheeks. It's not his fault he has a woman's body.

"I'm not a FREAKING WIZARD!" Harry stomped his feet on the ground for emphasis. 

"For Merlin's Sake, Harry, what is with this language?! You're a FUCKING WIZARD! Honestly, what do you not fucking understand?! Is this not going through you thick skull, you curly haired fuck?" 

"I don't give a freak, you **FAT** ," Louis shakily raised his hand and pointed his finger at him, daring him to continue. Louis didn't care if he was a 21 year old man and this child was 11, he would seriously jinx him.

Harry didn't pay him any attention. " **HAIRY BASTARD! I'M NOT A FREAKING WIZARD!** " 

"Listen, Harry," Louis regained himself once again. "You're going to go to Hogwarts, and do SPELLS AND SHIT! And you're gonna be fucking PLEASED about it!" 

"I don't want to do your freaking spells you BASKET-CASE!" Harry said in one breath, breathing in air as fast as he can say his own name. "...stick it up your freaking dick-hole." He said it very quietly, assuming that Louis wouldn't hear him.

Louis did in fact. And he was not _pleased_ about it, per se. "My FUCKING _WHAT?!_ "

(Think antonyms right here!) Harry really was getting healthy and well rested of this man. "Louis, you're pushing me over the FREAKING LINE-UH! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!" Harry pulled his own hair in frustration. 

Louis honestly couldn't believe this kid. "No, I'm not. You," Louis pointed at Harry once again "are a wizard! You're gonna go to Hogwarts, you're gonna do spells, you get a wand," Louis pulled out his own wand forcibly just to show him; Oak, 10 inches, slightly springy with a unicorn hair. "you get a fucking owl, it'll deliver your mail, DEAL WITH IT! YA' TWAT!" 

"I'M GONNA FREAKIN' PUT MAH WILLY IN THE OWL!" Harry said the first thing that came to his mind. It actually sounded better in his own head. 

Louis looked at him while narrowing his eyes (which kind of looked terrifying, but Harry wasn't going to say that) and said quietly, "I did that when I was younger, and that was a bad move." Louis then stared directly at Harry, "You are a wizard..." 

Harry's emeralds for eyes widened and said softly, "I'm a what?" Louis started grinning like a madman.

As if Louis' voice wasn't light enough, it was even lighter when he spoke this time. "YOU'RE A WIZARD, HARRY, FOR FUCKS SAKE, LISTEN TO MEH!" It's actually a wonder on how Hary's family hasn't woken up yet. 

"I've been through this, I don't give a bloody fuck-oh, I cussed! How could you?!" Harry responded while sitting back down. 

"How dare you pin this on me, curly hair? It's not my fault-"

"Yes it is, you are an adult!"

"So?" Louis threw his hands in the air.

"So? That means you're an influence on me! How could you not know that?!" Harry sighed, exasperated and threw his hands in the air. 

"I did know that, you're the one who's not supposed to copy me!" 

"I don't care what you think!" Harry stood up again. Maybe it was time to stomp back inside with a pout on his lips. Yeah, that's what he's going to do! That'll show Louis who's the boss here! Harry didn't look at Louis and started to walk back inside. Sadly, Louis yanked him back outside.

"Listen you, this conversation isn't over until you get this information through your thick skull! You're a fucking wizard!" 

"I don't care, I'm not a wizard!"

"This is not negotiable! You come with me you speccy, curly haired cut, fuck, small dick, skinny, cunt, EAT MORE WANKER!" Louis was already off his motorcycle already, and he was spazzing the fuck out. His arms were waving widely in the air and his legs were just moving with them. 

"I'LL FUCKING SET YOUR BEARD ON FIRE!" The threats were getting extra heavy now.

"I DON'T HAVE A BEARD!"

"FINE, I'LL FUCKING SET YOUR GROWING MUSTACHE ON FIRE!" Louis narrowed his eyes and stepped closer.

"C'MON THEN YA' LITTLE SPECCY CUNT SQUARE GO-LIKE'!" 

"I'L FUCKING BURST YA' BUTT!" 

Louis scoffed, "Right you, ya' little wank stain. If you don't get your act together, I'm gonna drag you to Hogwarts." And once again, Louis repeated the same thing. "You'll get a wand, you'll get an owl that'll deliver your shitey mail and that'll be that and you'll enjoy it-"

"NO I WON'T-"

"Shut up!" Louis shouted at Harry, "Let me fucking finish before you start talking, ya' chinky!" Louis raised his arm, pushing Harry back.

"I'll fucking naw your arm off, Louis! Don't think I won't!" Harry chomped his teeth for emphasis.

"Listen you, get near my arm, and I'll slap you across the face like a little bitch." Louis retorted back with a threat.

"I'll pump ya' silly!" Where the fuck is this conversation going?

"C'mon then ya' cunt!" Louis took off his robes. 

"Suck mah' pixie dick first, ya' chubby coon!" Harry pulled down his shorts. When Harry got older, he wanted to smack that chubby butt of Louis'. 

"I'LL RUPTURE YOUR FUCKING ANUS WITH MY MASSIVE BEAR COCK!" Wha-huh?

"I'll rip your giant dick off and bash ya' across the jaw with it!" Now, that's more like it. 

"Les' go, right now, bring it on ya' little wank!" 

So, yeah, they fucked each other in the end. Harry topped (which was a huge title for an 11 year old to be crowned with) and Louis...he couldn't exactly drive his motorcycle that night. He stayed, and Harry had a bucket full of reasons in his head if his mother asked why there was a naked man in his bed the next morning.

Heck, Harry got older by a minute (literally, like he's 11 years, 7 months, 10 days, 1 minutes, and 0 seconds old) and smacked Louis' butt. 

"By the way, I'm not hairy, Harry." Louis said before he left with a slight limp.

Honestly, how could a 11 year old be so rough?

**Author's Note:**

> *coughs* How was it?


End file.
